Sheryl Sandberg’s 'Lean in,' the Quest for a Feminine Power Position and the Seduction of CEOs

The 4 Waves of Feminism: 1. Suffragettes - 2. Man-Bashers - 3. Feminist Chauvinists - 4. Feminarky

Welcome back to Andrea’s Fabulous Fantasy Life. Its how she deals with the Fact she’s Actually a 7 Months Pregnant Small-Town Recipient of a Welfare Recipient’s Generosity. Which is Great, my Days are so Placid and the Forests around here are so Lush and the Food Banks are Generous and include Fresh Vegetables. My Mind, however, is not Content to contemplate the Present and its Peaceful and Family-Friendly if Poverty-Line Skimming and Anonymous Sustainability. No, my Mind wants to go in the Whole Other Direction and dream of what it would be like if I was WEALTHY AND POWERFUL AND CONTROVERSIAL

 

like Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, whose Book on “Women, Work and the Will to Lead,” Lean in, was just published by Knopf to All Sorts of Contentious reViews. According to the Lady at the Counter of my Local Library, which I waddle to by Way of Nature Trails, the Book had arrived a Few Weeks ago but I was the First Person to check it out. Symbolic. Maybe. I was prepared to find Sandberg’s Privileged, Corporate Take on Feminism Offensive or off-putting, but perhaps ilLuminating. Instead, I was Pleasantly Surprised by how Modest she is ( even I appreciate Modesty! ), how Understanding she was of her Privilege, how she addressed the Most Virulent of the Criticisms leveled against her in the reViews I’d read ( she’s blaming Women for their Own Failure to get ahead! She’s Rich and her Husband is Rich and they can afford Nannies and therefore what she says doesn’t apply to the Average Woman! ) in the Introduction ( which made me wonder how Many of her Critics read the Book ), and how Useful and Applicable I found her inSights in so Far as they related to my Personal Quest for Worldly Domination, by which I mean World Liberation. Also made me wonder - if Sheryl Sandberg is a Pretty Cool Feminist, what the Fuck is up with Facebook’s hypoCritical & anti-Feminist Hate Speech and Pornography Policies? A Question I think she should address, but, until then

Here’s One of the Questions Sandberg recommends Ladies ask themSelves

“What would you do if you weren’t aFraid?”

In Lean in, Sandberg makes the Point, which I agree with, that Fear holds a Number of Ladies back when it comes to seeking Power. Fear of not being liked by Men or Women. Fear of being unable to balance “Work and Family.” Fear of Failure.

Fear is not SomeThing that plagues me. Why not? Who knows. I am Lucky, I guess. I am a Mountain Lion. Still, it is Worth posing the Question to see if the Answer lines up with how One is Actually leading One’s Life. What would I do if I weren’t aFraid?

Well, I would start my Own Media Company ( done ) whose Purpose would be to contribute to the Utopian rEvolution. Part of how I could contribute to the Utopian rEvolution is by converting the CEOs of World’s Most inFluential and inNovative Media Companies to the Utopian Ideology through Sxual and intelLectual Seduction ( why use Only One when you could use Both? ). I would invite them to join an Orgy Cult / SuperHero Team run by LLWAM, the ( Hopefully ) inFluential and inNovative Media Company I started along with my Wonderful and Supportive Partner ( Sandberg makes Much of the imPortance of Supportive Men to Successful Women ), jody franklin ( a Round of Applause for him, Please ). Then I would write a Fictionalized Account of how that Effort goes call it S.i/S 2:

Some of this ( the Part about seducing CEOs to join an Orgy Cult / SuperHero Team ) comes across, of Course, as an Absurd Fantasy. But the Thing about asking yourSelf – Honestly – what would you do if you weren’t aFraid of being laughed at, aFraid of being disliked, aFraid of setting “unRealistic” Goals like having a Family and a Career Full of Challenges and an Orgiastic SuperHero Team made up of Rich People, aFraid of Failure, in Essence, is that the Answers you receive are SomeTimes Absurd by “Rational” Standards. Which makes me think a Lot of “Rationality” is Fear in disGuise, inSecurity dressed up as “Common Sense.” Other People’s Cynicism about my Dreams aside, I would Really Really like to see if it is Possible to seduce the CEOs of the World’s Most inFluential and inNovative Media Companies to a Utopian Orgy Cult / Do-Good “SuperHero” Team. I am prepared to fail. But I am not prepared to accept Failure from the outSet because that, my Friends, would be allowing mySelf to be hypnotized by Fear’s Ugly dance. Whether I succeed or fail at the Ostensible Goals of my Fantasy ( converting the CEOs of the World’s Most inFluential and inNovative Media Companies to Utopianism and having Sx with them at Lavish Parties put on by my inFluential and inNovative Media Company – because we All know the World is run by Powerful People who are Part of Mysterious Cults where they have Kinky Sx with Each Other and cook up their Politikal Agendas, Right? ), I will, I don’t doubt it One Bit, have Xciting Adventures along the Way which will provide the Stuffing for a Raucous Novel of our Times which you will All read because this is the Juiciest Gossip ever.

When Sheryl Sandberg talks about inspiring Ladies to reach for Power in the Corporate World, I’m not Sure she has Plans like mine in Mind, but it is interesting to compare Sandberg’s Vision of “Corporate Success for Ladies” with my Own. The Chapter of Lean in I enjoyed Most was the One on Mentorships – Mutually Beneficial Relationships between Senior and Junior Corporate Workers. Sandberg points out that if Ladies are going to advance in Male-Dominated Fields they’re going to have to be mentored by Senior Men and the Only Way this can happen is if we stop looking at Relationships between Older Men and Younger Women as Necessarily Sxual, and, I would add, Xploitative. Young Ladies in the Corporate World, says Sandberg, are being held back by Squeamishness, on Both the Men’s and Ladies’ Sides, about being seen aLone in Public together or cultivating too Close a Relationship. And Some Men just treat Ladies, no Matter their Professional Positions, like Sxual Conquests. Sandberg tells the Story of a Client whose Means of complimenting her was saying that she should date his Son. I Fully agree with Sandberg’s Assessment – Young Ladies need to be able to pursue Professional Relationships with Men without this being reduced, either by outSide Observers or by the People in Question ( Most Often the Man ), to a Potential Flirtation. But the aSxual Approach of Friendship & Mentorship, while it is Right for Many People and Many Circumstances, does not work for me ( Conductor of Orgy Cults ). My Sxuality is a Huge Part of what makes mine a Compelling Character. It is the Source of a Large Part of my Power. To deny that my Fantasy of Success “in the Corporate World” is inXtricably linked to the Idea of being able to Sxually dominate a Harem of Powerful Men would be to negate the Very Thing makes me a Contender, in a Future where Sluts are honored, in a Future in which “the Sacred Whore” is afforded All the Respect of a Traditional Wife or Lady who seeks her Status aSxually, for Forbes World’s 100 Most Powerful Women, in which Sandberg placed 5th in 2011.

By the Way, Mark Zuckergerg, Sandberg’s Current Boss, as Well as Sandberg’s Former Boss, Google CEO Larry Page, are Both on my List of CEOs to hit up for my Orgy Cult / SuperHero Team. So, waddup?

The Point of my Grand Fantasy being that a Lady’s Power doesn’t allways look like a Man’s Power, which we are used to associating with the Very Concept of Power. Whatever Human Genius allowed Mark Zuckerberg to become a Corporate Billionaire at 23, I think I have. I’m just Less interested in Money and Employees than Mark Zuckerberg. I’m More interested in Parties and Environmentalism. To my Mind, “Money” and “Employment” are a Means of keeping People imPoverished, of maintaining imBalances of Wealth. So, I abolished Money on October 26th 2012. Which doesn’t mean I don’t still have to use it to get Food and Stuff, but that I am committed, in the Long Term, to establishing a FrEConomy. 

Read about the “Approval Economy” at GeorgieBC’s Blog

Among LLWAM’s Many Offerings as a Media Company are Parties and Philosophy, what I wish to Specifically offer VICE, Apple, Facebook and Google, and for which I wish to receive in Return Goods and Services which will allow LLWAM to sustain itsSelf, as a Producer of Parties and Philosophy and Music and Literature and Film and Visual Art and HomeGrown Vegetables into the foreSeeable Future.

Part of the Membership Bonus for joining the Fun Party, the Globe’s Utopian Politkal Party, if you happen to be the Head of One of the Media Companies with whom LLWAM, the Originator of the Fun Party, wishes to associate, is – if you want and if you work it out with your Significant Other – you get to have Sx with me, Andrea Coates, a Philosopher of Sx ( Sx Cult Factions of the Fun Party are called the “Super Fun Party” ). Which is to say that I am as Xciting a Lay as Mark Zuckerberg / Larry Page are Good at coming up with Computer Programs, Shane Smith is at Journalism, etc, and that, my Friends, is an Xpression of Feminine Power, a Power which has been oppressed and marginalized throughout Patriarchy, which I intend to topple with my Weapons of Seduction.

What, after All, does it mean to topple Patriarchy? What is the Point of the Feminist rEvolution? It is to establish the imPortance of the Feminine Perspective in World Affairs. As a Feminist Philosopher and Founder of what will be a Successful Business on the Terms by which it defines Success ( the Creation of Beautiful Art that will be remembered and revisited for Hundreds of Years / Environmental Sustainability / Global Philosophical imPact ), my Perspective is that we need to start building Free EcoSystem CoOperation Utopias and Ideological Conflict can be resolved through the Adoption of Love.

I want to have Sx with Mark Zuckerberg and the Other Male Media CEOs because I disagree with them on a Number of their Politikal, Philosophical and Economic StandPoints in so Far as these StandPoints have been conveyed to me through the Media. I want Mark Zuckerberg, Shane Smith, Larry Page and Tim Cook, and through them Many More of the World’s Most Powerful People, to understand that Heaven on Earth is to be achieved through nurturing Gaia. And that the reWard to understanding this Simple Maxim ( which is what we ought to be teaching our Children – not that we are born on Earth to go to School to get Jobs to make Money to send our Children to School, but that we are born on Earth to nurture Gaia ) is the ForeMost Pleasure, the Most Valuable Substance in Xistence: Love. We are All seeking Love. The Quest for Love unites us as Human Beings. I believe to the Point that I am dedicating my Life to the proLiferation of this Belief that the Better care an inDividual takes of the Complx Natural EcoSystems that make up our Planet, the More Love that inDividual will receive. Love is not Money. Love is Worth Far, Far More than Money. A Human Being can survive without Money. A Human Being cannot survive without Love.

The Planet and its People are not to be xploited for Money and the Things Money can buy, they are to be nurtured. And if we are Kind to the Planet, the Planet will be Kind to us. This is what has been forgotten in Man’s Pursuit of Material Wealth, and it is Relevant I used the Word “Man” there. I am Lady and I say give it back. Our Capitalist Society, a Society centred around the Acquisition of Material Wealth, is killing the Earth. It is making People Miserable. So, let go of your Wealth. Hand it back to the People you took it from. Hand it back to the Land you took it from. And what you will get in Return is Love.

This is what I have to say to the Powerful Men of the World. It is them, First and foreMost, who need to hear it. Let go of your Wealth. Give it back to the Earth and what you will get in Return is Love. I know you want Love. I know All Men who aren’t Sociopaths seek Power because they want Love. I don’t think Shane Smith, Mark Zuckerberg, Tim Cook or Larry Page are Sociopaths. I know they want Love and I know how they can get it. I sell the Most Valuable Product in the Universe. And what it costs are Acts of Kindness towards Gaia and her Children.

You can see that this is a Riddle and an Oroborous: that you get what you give and you give what you get. I’m a Girl who knows how to dream and how to be Happy, I’m a Lady who knows how to get Love, Love being Wealth on the metaPhysical Plane, and for that I find mySelf ( if Only on the metaPhysical Plane at this Point ) brushing up against the Kind of Men who have pursued and been Successful at acquiring Wealth on the Physical Plane. I am Only taking a Conventional Route to World Power in the Sense that Ladies have allways sought inFluence through their Sxual Relationships. I am paying Tribute to the Legacy of my Gender. At the Game of Sxual Relationships, at the Game of Emotions, I happen to be Very Talented. And I want this Talent to be acknowledged as Equal to a Talent at the Game of Computer Programming or visiting Dangerous Countries because up until this Point in ourStory, my Feminine metaPhysical Talents have been marginalized in Favour of Masculine Physical Talents.

What is Talent? Mine? Mark Zuckerberg’s? Sheryl Sandberg’s? Shane Smith’s? Steve Jobs’? Larry Page’s? Tim Cook’s? Why are these People in the Positions of “Power” they are? It is because they dream Big. I dream Big. My Ambitions are Bold and Clear. I am not enCumbered by Fear. I think it would be the CEOs who would be aFraid if I asked them to have Sx with me / join my Orgy Cult / SuperHero Team / covert to Utopianism. I would think those Requests might just boggle their Minds. But Novelty’s the Source of Success, isn’t it? You’re not growing if you’re not innovating and unLimited Growth is the Capitalist Ambition, isn’t it? I understand Capitalists – I know what they want. An Anarkist. An Anarkist Economist whose Philosophy ( Far More Comprehensive than Capitalism ) appreciates and indulges their Need for “unLimited Growth.” She just interprets the Words a Little Differently. * Winky Face *

Anarky is the Philosophy of the Jester. Anarky has you upside down and backwards. Anarky is a Double enTendre. Anarky is a Poet.

So, Sheryl Sandberg, Mark Zukerberg, All your Friendly Friends, welcome to the Feminarkist World of Andrea Coates, where AnyThing can happen at Any Time because we are whatever we imagine.

Meanwhile, the Sun is shining and the Grass is Green and the Birds are chirping out on my Lawn on the Coast of the Salish Sea. This is the World I want to live in. The One where I am in Harmony with the Plants and the Animals and the Earth and the Sky. I’ll let you think about that.

Andrea Coates

FrECotopian Philosopher of Sx, Drugs and Anarky

Founder: LotusLand Warrior Art Media




Oh, and, uh, if you’re looking for a Laugh ( aren’t we All? ), may I suggest my Fantasy about Sxually torturing Mark Zuckerberg cause I got blocked from Facebook for posting Pics of my Tits & Naughty Poems about Shane Smith?

!+)+()( Sxe like a post-Capitalist )()+(+!

I miss Cat Marnell. Whatever happened to her? Isn’t she writing a Book or SomeThing? ( Sarcasm )

In Case you too are addicted to Manic inAppropriate Feminine Revelations and Deeply wish you could soak yourSelf in Vats of Catty Prose ( to Such a Degree not even being a Writer of this Very Kind of Prose yourSelf is Good enough for you … no no, you must surround yourSelf with Other Versions of yourSelf like so Many Fun House Mirrors ), check out Tend to the Meats, which features the Same Trashy-Glamorous Details of NYC Amphetamine Addiction as Marnell, Only More Poetic but with Less of that Sweet Juicy Gossip we are All wishing we could keep on IV ( I live too Far away from the Action to be embedded in Any Real Gossip, but, you know, I have an Imagination, the World’s Most Versatile Toy ), and this Very intelLigent Essay on Cat Marnell and Jung’s Puella archeType written by a NineTeen Year Old ( !!!!!! ) also living in NYC and Periodically starving herSelf among Other of the Scary Afflictions Girls develop growing up under oppressive Patriarchy. Which I am here to smash with my Hammer of Wit ( allways ).

I also Recently read this back in the Day ( sing that Part ) xoJane Article of Cat’s where she talks about … bleaching her EyeBrows … and getting them … Professionally sculpted … Wow, am I ever from a Small Town, eh? People pay to have their EyeBrows done? WtF? I can’t even remember the Last Time I plucked my EyeBrows. And look how Sxe I am! 

I have a Point. My Point is: POST-CAPITALISM and its Relationship to SMASHING PATRIARCHY ( allways ). There are a Million Sxe Xciting Blondes like Cat out there telling you, Girly Girls of the World, how you can be MORE ATTRACTIVE and MORE POPULAR if you SPENT WILD $$$$$ on EYEBROW BLEACH and HAIR PRODUCTS and TANNING LOTION and Other Things that are Totally Useless but for their Ability to suck the Life out of you by forcing you to GET A JOB / ACQUIESCE TO RICH MEN so you can afford them / make you feel inSecure because you’re not Blonde AND Tan among Other Nearly imPossible / Blandly Conformist Standards of “Beauty.” I’m here to add my ( Very Similar, Sonically if not Philosophically, to Cat’s ) Voice and my ( Very Similar, but for the Anorexia and like there’s AnyThing I could or would do about it, to Cat’s ) God-given Body to the Chorus that says FUCK SPENDING MONEY TRYING TO BE “BEAUTIFUL.” It’s a Crock of Shit, a Total Scam, the Men who matter don’t care and the Men who care are Leeches and saying “I’m doing this for me” or “to impress Other Ladies” Only goes so Far. Style of Dress? Sure. Hundreds to Thousands of Dollars spent Monthly on Beauty Products? Please. Nxt Time I go to New York, I’m going to light a Joint off a Pile of burning Fashion Magazines ( or SomeThing ). And Hopefully by this Time I will be Lover of Some Powerful Men and EveryOne will take my Act VERY SERIOUSLY. Andrea Coates: she will be known for LIGHTING SHIT ON FIRE.

ReDistribution of Wealth does not mean Spending Money, it means making Sure Every Human Being on the Planet has Clean Water, Healthy Food and Shelter - even if that means giving up your Precious EyeBrow Routine and spending Time on SomeThing a Little More … Globally Valuable. Promoting the Spending of Money because it’s “Good for the Economy” and what’s “Good for the Economy” is Good for People is a Fallacious Argument when the Economy of the First World depends on the Xploitation of the Third. Also, promoting the Mass Consumption of Products that enforce Patriarchal White-Supremacist Beauty Standards that are Totally Arbitrary and Harmful to Ladies Mental and Physical Health is Morally Reprehensible. That is what I think. Go on, argue with me.

In the Mean Time, here’s Some Ideas I had for a Beauty Column I will Never write.

Lazy Day – Active Day – Fun Day – Xtra Fun Day : Nude – Mascara – EyeLiner – Colorful EyeShadow / Glitter

I wash my Hair with Baking Soda. I haven’t brushed it in 2 Years.

Clothes I found in the Street.

For Sxe Dates, I shave my Legs ( this happens, like, a Few Times a Year )

Flossing

Bras are Optional. As is shaving your Armpits.

Personally, I like to keep my Pubic Hair Trimmed. I used to give mySelf Brazillians. Still think this can be Fun. Also think the Popularity of the Brazilian is Creepy and Men who insist on it are Controlling and Pedophilic. 

Have found Green Concealer to be Helpful for covering Blemishes

Facial Masks made out of Food. Mmm Food.

InCredibly Useful: the DeoStone. Scentless, works like a Charm, costs Very Little, lasts forever, wont give you Cancer.

Having to wear Clothes is Ridiculous. Consequently, I Often wear the Most Ridiculous & / Revealing Clothes I can pull off.

HEALTHY FOOD AND REGULAR XCERSISE

And that, Friends and Enemies, is Andrea Coates’ post-Capitalist ( in Other Words: minimalist ) Beauty Regimen. Sooooo Easy. The Time I save not giving a Fuck about Makeup or Designer Brand Names I can commit to creating a Politiks of Utopianism! Because you know what’s More Effective at producing Happiness / snagging you a Sx Partner than being Physically Beautiful? Being Smart and Loving.

Andrea Coates

I am a Warrior

Maybe I have come here

in All of my Madness

to slit your Throat and drink your Blood

Maybe I understand your Fear

I understand the Silence

I bow to it

It washes over me like the Cold Sea at a Rusty Pier

Maybe maybe maybe maybe

Maybe the Answers will come to me

I know how to believe

I’m gonna be redeemed

I don’t want your coddling

Coddling is not what I need

I want to see mySelf freed

Weeping Yearning Hanging Tongues

Screaming Passion-filled Hag

jumping on a Trampoline

Look at my Breasts!

Look how I’ll let the Dogs eat me

Dogs are Future Teens

who’ll appreciate how I am Nasty

I may not have Praise but I have Raw Power

Wrath mashed with Lust and Sympathy

Fuel for my Jet Pack

Take a Minute listen to the Whispers

Oh you Shameless Whore you’ve alienated EveryOne

NoOne will come near you because there’s a Force Field made of Anger

Only the Strongest can push through

You’ve Really limited your Choices

But what are you going to do

There’s noThing left here but

Distilled Hopes

An Ointment so Pure it burns

And when I go to sleep toNight I’ll dream

of the Possibility

I’m back where I started

and my Twin is looking at me

“You’ve allways got this

It’s a Good Thing you’re Wise”

Wise enough to keep hurling

Hurling

Hurling

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Come on, meet my Challenge!

I am Full of Rage and Sorrow

I am Full of Love

And I want Badly, Badly

to make a Difference

How Many Documentaries have I gone through

Tumblr Posts dedicated to

Human Misery

the Violence we inflict

on One anOther?

What am I supposed to do?

Write Whimpery Poems

Take Merely Suggestive Photos?

Or am I supposed to be outRaged

and inDignant

on the Other End

of my Computer Screen

if Only for a Moment?

There’s allways a New Sad Story

It gets to be Boring

Look here

have no Fear

Me I change Things

I’m Determined

I hurl the Bomb of my Soul

into the Centre of the Action and I blow

BAM

BAM

LLWAM

Scrape away the Layers, Friend

What’s beneath the Wars the Pollution the Drugs the Corruption the Abuse

Scrape scrape

my Friend

You can’t keep poking at the Symptoms

Burrow for the Cause

and rip it out

rip it out of yourSelf

make yourSelf Clear

and walk the Earth like Human Medicine

Come on

I’ll walk with you

I am Nimble

I have Thorns

We are not Cowards

We are Warriors

I have painted my Face with Blood

which is Language

and I am Ready to dance

with my Sword

LLWAM TShirts!

A Collection of TShirts I would make if I had reSources to make TShirts. ( One Day my Pretties, yes. )

 

 

 

 Andrea Coates Art 2013

- :: ???? What the Hell am I doing ???? :: -

Read my Bribery Gifts List here

Received an eMail from Kylee, who’s been reading my Blog and wanted to xpress her Fondness for my Work but also Some Issues she’s had with it as of Late. Here are Some Choice Quotes from her Letter and my Replies, as I think Kylee voiced Thoughts bouncing around in a Bunch of our Brains and brought up Issues that ought to be addressed.

From Kylee

Vice would be all over a pretty girl tweeting a picture of her asshole at a prominent editor-in-chief if it was directed at anyone but them!

So True. They published Marie Calloway’s Story about wanting to have Sx with Tao Lin. And Cat Marnell’s Sorry-not-Sorry Piece about Sx with a Married Man. Why not me and my Fantasies about Boss Pants? ( Don’t worry Rocco, you can come too ). I am a Product of VICE Culture! What a Dutiful Student I am! Which makes VICE hypoCritical for being so Cold to me. And we All know I love noThing More than xposing the hypoCrites. This means, and I hope People understand, that if I do AnyThing hypoCritical, I xpect it to be pointed out. Long Hard Stare. Got it? 

I wish you all the success under Gaia in batting Shane Smith across the room with your paws and then pinning him between your legs. I would like nothing more than to witness a smart girl top a powerful man and emerge the victor. But whyyyyyyyyyyyyy do you continue to champion your sex fantasies as a legitimate path to ***REVOLUTION FOR EVERY1****? I believe that your idealism is genuine, but your approach is baffling. It's holding you back.

Agree that my Approach is Baffling. Which is why I write about it so Much. I’m trying to figure out what the Hell am I doing? From One Angle, I am doing this because I would like nothing more than to witness a smart girl top a powerful man and emerge the victor. That is a Story that needs to be told, the Story of the Smart Girl who pranks the Powerful Man into not Only having Sx with her & giving her Money but also apologizing, Publically, for his Misogynistic Behaviour over the Years. There are so Many Laughs in that. A Few Tears, but so Many Laughs. It’s a Win for Woman Kind, I think, and sets a Positive Precedent. If the Big Man wants the Adorable Girl, he Better pay, and I don’t mean that in the Monetary Sense, I mean it in the Moral Sense. I will not accept Shane Smith’s Money / Sx unless I can also have his Apology and his Commitment to Utopia. I’m getting him to pay me to tell him what to do! A Spectacular Con! Surely appreciated by the Man who “could sell rattlesnake boots to a rattlesnake … water to a well.” Master BullShitter? Meet the Mistress of BullShit. But, of Course, because I am an Honourable Business Person disguised as a Hustler as opposed to the Other Way around, if I can’t get Shane to do what I want, I haven’t done my Job and don’t deserve to be paid. And this is why I disagree that my Little Ploy is holding me back. Because if I were to satisfy a CEO Benefactor Fuck Fantasy without demanding said CEO atone for his Misogyny and Otherwise Xploitative Business Practices, this would be just anOther Story of Young Lady using her Sx Appeal to get Stuff in a Patriarchal Capitalist World and it would do noThing to further Feminism or Utopianism, my Two Prize Ideologies and the Source of my Power, which gives me the Confidence to do Things like stride up to a CEO and demand he lick my Clit & convert to my Hippie Religion in a Sx-filled iniTiation Ritual. It would be anOther Seedy, Gender / Power-imBalanced Situation and not to my Taste at All. It wouldn’t be Worth it. Fuck Money. 

 

To fervently desire a person who seems systematically, constitutionally unwilling to both desire AND respect you is maddening. I can't count the number of times I've tried to hold this man accountable, to take him to task, to "force him" to see that he's wrong, to install a conscience on his hard drive. It's so satisfying to cunt them out, to unleash some hard truth on them. Won't they be impressed by your intelligence, your brash verve, your passion for justice? The answer is no.

I am willing to test this hypoThesis. I will risk my Dignity to test this hypoThesis. I will smack my Nose against the Glass. I will touch the Fire to see if it is Hot. If my Little Sx Plot is an Epic Fail, if don’t manage to get Any Powerful Capitalist Patriarchs to convert to Feminism / Utopianism, you may All point and laugh at me and say “Told you so!” and I will go and lick my Wounded Pride aLone in my Forest. And then I will come up with a New Plan. Because Castle Patriarchy is coming down and I want to be able to claim at Least One Brick was removed by me, Andrea Coates, Personally. Because I like to brag.

Here is my Response to the Letter as a Whole, which brought up Much More than what I’ve quoted. I think it is Clear the Issues I am addressing from reading the Letter, to which I have made Adjustments for Clarity.

These are Valid Concerns and I’m Glad you brought them up. I will go over my Essays to see if I can make the Points I am going to elucidate here a Little Clearer in those Works.

I don’t think fucking Powerful White Men is a Way for “EveryOne” to achieve rEvolution, that Women All over the World should take up this Activity to smash Patriarchy. They can if they want. They don’t have to if they don’t want to. It is my Path, revealed to me for whatever Reasons of my Personal Characteristics, and I believe that as an Act of Performance Art ( Random Artist Girl claims she will fuck CEOs in Return for their Conversion to Utopianism! ) it is Worth trying out. It’s not about whether I get to have Sx with these Guys ( they are Free to turn me down ), it’s about using a Ridiculous, Sx-Sells Hook to bring Attention to the Question of Utopianism. It’s Kind of a … skewering of Patriarchy, which says to Girls “the Best Thing you could be is the Lover of a Powerful Man.” I’m like, “Okay, I’ll take you up on that, but in Order for you to have me you need to prove yourSelf a Good Person.” Instead of slutting mySelf out for Access to Powerful Men, I’m asking Men to prove their Moral Worth in Order to have me, which is, I think, putting mySelf above them. It is making mySelf Supremely Xpensive ( in Capitalist Parlance ), and if I know SomeThing about Capitalism and Rich People its that the More Xpensive you make your Product, the More Covetable it is.

I am also after CEOs because I believe that if I were a Man, a Patriarch, that’s the Level of Power I would be operating on. Because I’m a Lady and an Anti-Capitalist Feminist, I xpress Power not through the Physical Dimension ( Control over Money, Employees, Technology, etc ) but the metaPhysical ( Control over Ideas, Relationships, Emotions, etc ). I am asking that these Men prove they are Capable of recognizing Equal Power when it comes to them not in the Form of a Capitalist Patriarch like themSelves or a Lady fitting herSelf in to the Capitalist Patriarchal Pyramid, but in the Form of a Feminarkist. Either these Men will recognize that FrECotopia is One of the Most Cutting-Edge and Necessary Ideas of our Time, up there with Facebook and Google, and Actually Far Better, Far More Useful, or they will prove themSelves Selfish Xploiters of Land and People inCapable of doing the Right Thing when the Right Thing comes to stare them in the Face. These Men have to help bring about Utopias. If they don’t, if they don’t use their Vast Material Wealth to help in the Utopian Cause, there is SomeThing Seriously Wrong with their Hearts, and if there is SomeThing Seriously Wrong with the Hearts of the World’s Most Powerful Men, I want the World to know. I don’t want these Men to be able to hide behind Veils of Capitalist Theory. Industrial Capitalism, the Current Corporate Model, it doesn’t work – it xploits People, it poisons Land – and if CEOs are unWilling to admit that and make changes to their Ways of conducting Business, they are Awful People and I will make Sure, though my Writing, that they go down in ourStory as Awful People. Or as Good People. It’s up to them to choose who they want to be in my Novel, S.i/S 2: Good Guy or Bad Guy? Caring, Open-Minded Utopianist or Xploitative Cynic tryna make a Quick Buck at the Xpense of Gaia and her Children? You can see, Hopefully, I threw Sx into the Mix to give the Story Some Xtra Spice, but the Sx isn’t Really what I’m after in this Campaign.

I mean, it might be in the Case of Shane Smith. I think I have Way More of a Crush on him than on the Others ( is it Possible to have a Crush on Mark Zuckerberg? Shudder ).

More inFormation about FWD.us here

I remain as detached from this Desire as Possible. I am using it because it is there to be used. Squashing my Lust because liking Powerful Guys seems anti-Feminist or SomeThing is, to my Mind, Self-Hatred & Shame & the Vilification of Men. I am daring to look at my Crush for what it is: an Attraction to a Powerful Man because he is Powerful, and yes, I am seeking his Validation, I do want him to acknowledge my Greatness. That ackNowledgement would mean a Lot to me. ( From Kylee: the urge to fix a powerful man, to break open his selfish solipsism, is ultimately just the desire for his approval. For his prized validation. "I'm just as smart, I'm just as strong, ADMIT IT! VALIDATE ME! LOVE ME!" But you don't need him to tell you, you already know. You're giving him too much by asking for his love. This man will probably never be truly honest with himself, let alone you, let alone the world. And for that he deserves your pity, not your attention. ). Still, I want not just Validation from a Man but to use the Crazy Energy that is telling me to fuck Powerful Men to advance the Causes I Genuinely believe in. I can’t help the Attraction, it is Very Real to me, and Very Motivating, and I mySelf get tangled up in Confusion about whether it is SomeThing I should indulge in or repress. Because I think repression is Bad for One’s Health... Well... I am dealing, in my Own Life, with the Contradictions of being SomeOne who wants to smash Patriarchy, who wants to create a Feminist Reality, but xperiences this Drive as running in Tandem with in irReressible Desire for Men and the Most Powerful Kind of them, and this is the Friction that propels my Work. It’s not that I don’t value Ladies – ( from Kylee: I just can't take seriously the "feminist" values behind the project of a woman who doesn't seem to value other women at all. You've written that you don't value platonic friendships and don't have any. You value sexual relationships and your libido is focused on men. This means that you primarily value men, not women. There is nothing wrong with any of this (although it seems like you're secluding yourself from a pretty vast country of potential human relationships?) That is your subjective choice/condition as a person. You deserve to have sexual relationships with as many men as you desire and be treated like an equal. But an intellectually honest prescription for radical equality it ain't. Enhancing your sex life isn't going to save the world or the women in it. ) I do! I Really do! I wouldn’t be fighting so Hard to get VICE to apologize for its Misogyny if I didn’t think this Misogyny was hurting a Lot of People! I just have a Much More Difficult Time maintaining Platonic Friendships –  which, considering I’m not Very Sxually attracted to Ladies, Most of my Relationships with them are – than I do Sxual Relationships. There is also, in my Past, Painful Betrayals by Ladies I thought were my Friends, and it will Probably take me a Couple More Years to work through these Xperiences and be able to trust Close Lady Friends again ( Sx Partnerships with Men, I have xpected them to end. I didn’t xpect to be rejected & hurt by my GirlFriends and so, in their Own Way, these Failed Relationships sting More ). I wrote about the Pain of my Failed Female Friendships in my Novel, and I think Once that comes out I will have made the Biggest Step Necessary in Order to heal from what happened to me. Otherwise, I think my High Libido makes Platonic Friendships beyond the “Acquaintance” Level Nearly imPossible for me to maintain. I know Many Nice Ladies in my HomeTown, they think I am a Sweet Girl xpecting her First Child, and I am Happy with them knowing Only that about me. I am Happy to bond over Motherhood and the Occasional Dinner or Poetry Reading and keep it at that. To see the Full Spectrum of Andrea Coates’ Personality, as Any “Close Friend” should, is to be sucked into my Sx Vortx. Coming to Terms with this Truth about mySelf – that I must either keep my Distance from People or engage with them in a Sxual Way, that the Middle Ground is Very Difficult for me – took Many Years and when I did come to Terms, when I accepted mySelf and stopped feeling aShamed or dysFunctional, that was a Great Relief. 

And I don’t want to discourage Any Lady who thinks it would be Valuable to secede from Men from doing so ( from Kylee: The logic behind the concept of feminist separatism is solid. Realistically, I don't want to live my everyday life in our current state of affairs without men either. My real life does not resemble an Andrea Dworkin feminism in the slightest; I accept complexity and contradiction as a symptom of being female and human in 2013. But to be intellectually honest is to acknowledge that violence and harm occur along overwhelmingly gendered lines, and "men" as a category are our oppressors. Feminist separatism could be a useful bargaining chip for change. If more women acknowledged it as a logical solution to misogyny, it would be powerful. At the very least it deserves to exist as a legitimate theory among progressive people. Campaign to fuck all the CEO's under the sun, but stop pretending that your lust is of a morally superior breed, or exists on my behalf. ). I just wanted, in my Essay, to xpress the Fact that this is not a Movement I could get behind. That I will fight for Freedom from Patriarchy in my Way ( by forming Close Sxual Partnerships with Men who, due to their Positions in Society, can act to bring about Major Change ) and Other Ladies can do it their Way. I want not to discourage AnyOne from following their Idea of how to achieve Feminist Liberation but to assert that there is no “One Way.” We can be fighting for the Same Goals even if we go about it Totally Differently. I, Personally, would feel as oppressed in a World without Men as I do in One where Men are Jerks, so won’t be joining Any Lesbian Communes Any Time Soon.

Finally, I believe that the Powerful Men of the World will be impressed by my Nerve. ( From Kylee: Won't they be impressed by your intelligence, your brash verve, your passion for justice? The answer is no. And it's actually the least cynical position possible, to just accept this, to really accept it. Indulging in this behavior just scrapes at an open psychic wound. The powerful patriarch is a waste of your valuable energy, mind, and time. ) I have to believe they will be impressed. Not to believe it would be to sink into Cynicism and depression and I can’t let that happen. My Optimism is what is keeping me aLive and Fit. I can understand how for Some turning away from the Thought that Patriarchs will love and understand them as a Feminist is Liberating, but I am going to give the Opposite Track a go, because I think it will make a Funny Novel, the Story of the Girl who tracked down the CEOs of the World’s Most Powerful Media Companies and offered her Body in Return for their Commitment to Utopia. That is, above All else, an Entertaining Story, whether I succeed at it or not, and I am, above All else, a Novelist, in the Business of making Entertaining and Occasionally Heart-Breaking Stories. To come up with this Idea for a Book and not try to act it out would be Cowardly.

What will the Nxt Chapter reveal? I’m going send my !~OPERATION FUN~! Blog to VICE, construct a Fabulous Pitch, and either that Pitch will get deleted Right off the Bat by a Frightened & Confused Staffer or Shane Smith is in for One Aaaaaaaaaaawkward Week. Which, ha ha, serves him Right. He can’t run forever. No Number of Trips to Afghanistan will save him from having to One Day acknowledge the VICE / Shane Smith Fan Fic Erotik Revenge Fantasy Porn lurking out there on the Web. He can either accept that the Millennial Generation’s Cleverest Writer ( “Poor Man’s Hemingway”? Meet a Legit Hemingway! Ego and All! “Writers are Competitive, Smith. If you’re gonna be a Writer, declare yourSelf the Best Writer!” Slams Fist on Table, rattling Drink, grins like a Big Game Hunter ) has his Number and plans to use it or that he will be portrayed, by a Rival Media Company dedicated not to Profits but to Artistic Legacy, as a Selfish, Misogynistic Capitalist destined to – no Matter his Commitment to Rigorous Journalism, if Only the Manliest Kind of Journalism, if Only Journalism that covers Stuff being blown up, if Only Journalism that comments on but does not act on our Moral imPeratives as Human Beings – as Robert Anton Wilson said about Dictators, become encased in a Tower of Sycophantic Lies. BullShitter’s Tip, Shanus, Darling: tell the Truth. Fact is so Much Wackier than Fiction, and so Utterly Subjective anyway, People will think you’re talking nonSense! There is Value to a Warrior, I’ve found, in being underestimated by One’s Enemy. 

< !!!!! MAKE A DIFFERENCE BITCH !!!!! >

Okay Okay Okay. I think I figured out how to end my Recent VICE Spiel, how to wrap it up in a Tidy Package, declare the Newest Works !~OPERATION FUN~! Post Scripts and call it a Day / sit back and wait like a Hunter for my Prey to stumble into my Carefully laid Trap. Muaahhahahahahah. I read VICE, a Lot ( it is my Favourite Magazine. Look at this Lovely Gift of my Conflicted Feelings I made it! :) Awwwwwwe. I’m so Nice ), I watch VICE Video Documentaries ( Cannibals! Drugs! Kidnappings! 80% Male Reporters & interViewees, but we’re going to talk about that, aren’t we? ), the Recent HBO Show is Pretty Good ( look at Shane travel about getting himSelf into Dangerous Situations with Nasty People and dealing with it with Equanimity. Sooooo Cute. Seriously. How Many Dudes have I watched on tV and I Never thought to mySelf ... I’ll bet I could get that Guy to do AnyThing for me ... including join the Utopian rEvolution ... Xperiment Time ). And I’m a Stalker. All Good Hunters are Stalkers. My Inner Cougar cannot be denied. I spot what I want and I watch I watch I watch. I wait I wait I wait. I might have Years to wait. Years until the Andrea Coates Meme hits the Place where !~OPERATION FUN~! xplodes and All my Theories hit Reality. !~OPERATION FUN~! is a Time Bomb, a Land Mine. It doesn’t kill or maim it makes Empathetic.

They say about Dragons ( People born in the Chinese Year of the Dragon, like me [ Earth Dragon. 1988. Cougars are like Earth Dragons, aren’t they?] ) that they test Potential Friends by getting Right up in their Faces and roaring as Loud as Possible. That is so what I do! I slam mySelf up against People I am Curious about. I throw EveryThing I have in their Faces, All the Strangeness and Lust and Rage and Egoism and Idealism and see how they react. If the Person can roar back, I am impressed. I think, “here is a Person who is Strong.” If they are disMissive or they cower, what Good are they to me?

BAM

BAM

LLWAM

Uhg. Do you know what it feels like to have All this Power and no where to put it? All this Raucous Energy held back because of Poverty and People’s not knowing what to do with it and therefore ignoring it hoping it will fade away or just keep bubbling at a Tolerable Level of inConsequential Madness? I AM PRIMED FOR XPLOSION. My Muscles are Coiled and I am Ready to pounce and tear Flesh. MetaPhorically, metaPhorically.

Sigh. What the Hell am I on about? VICE, Right. VICE is doing Some Grand Things, Some Grand Things, along with the Shit, and I want to make Clear that I recognize the Grand Things, I Really do, that’s why I am here, Directing my BOUNDLESS ENERGY into making the Company a Gift. From LLWAM to VICE. I know I look like a Lunatic to the Closed-Minded and Conformist and Dour with Cynicism but I swear I am your GirlFriend. Literally and Figuratively.

Want me to tell you a Story? I’ll tell you a Story. Back in the I think VICE Magazine is Misogynistic and ought to apologize Facebook Page Days, back when I was Scattershot sending Letters about the Majikal Orgies we could make happen if VICE owned up to its White cis-Male preJudices & Pictures of my Naked Body with Confrontational Txt OverLays ( because noOne does Mixed Messages like Andrea Coates! ), SomeOne sent me a Video of Shane Smith and Suroosh Avi and Some Other Guy talking to a Reporter. And I was watching it and I remember staring at Shane’s Giant Gold Watch while he said he was “a Regular Guy” and thinking “ha ha, look at that Absurd Bling” and then having this Really Weird Feeling in my Stomach like when you stick a Key in a DeadBolt and you can feel the Key slide into Place and the DeadBolt go “kkkkksssssshhhhUnk. Click” and open. It was like a DeadBolt inside my Torso opened and I was like “OmG. If this is how Dude makes me feel, how do I make him feel? It’s Xperiment Time, Ladies and GentleMen.” I’m not so Scientific when it comes to my Xperiments – my Brain it ain’t Linear enough for that – but I am Passionate and this is, above All else, a Test of the Power of Passion.

It’s also a Hell of a Lot More Fun, if you’re a High Octane Girl like me and Totally revealing yourSelf in your Weirdness is whatever no Biggie – looking like a Whacko is Part of a Great Artist’s Job Description, you know – than sending out Carefully-worded Query Letters to Literary Agents ( don’t make me get Rid of my Capital Letters and my Flirting and my off-Topic Ramblings! Who am I without them???? ). It’s just a Lot More Honest. Because who but her Lover can Really understand what Andrea Coates is after? What her Work means and why it is DEATHLY IMPORTANT? What Mover and Shaker in the Literary / Media Spheres can understand the Value of Andrea Coates and not become entangled in Some Sort of Affair with her? Who is that Frigid? NoOne. Certainly noOne I would want to work with. I am a Walking enTanglement! I am a Sx Vortx. And I am Damn Lucky I have a Partner ( jody franklin ) who gets this, who gets that if Andrea Coates, Mountain Lioness, is going to go out and kill us Some Dinner and drag it back, she’s going to use her Beauty and Turbo-charged Libido as a Lure. A Lot More Honest and True to my Nature is this Campaign than Any Regular Approach to finding a Publisher or whatever. Fuck me, Please. But Only if the Risk / Reward Ratio is Sufficiently High. I am a Business Woman, Shane. I know how to cut a Deal.

And I Really want to make a Difference, you see. That is the Reward for EveryOne, beyond me, beyond Money, beyond Fame. That makes these Horrifying Letters WorthWhile. It is not enough for me to be published, to be accepted and supported and called a Talent and put out in the World to make Money. Wherever I go rEvolution must follow. Place me in an Environment and watch that Environment start morphing like when you take LSD and the Walls melt and the World caves in on itsSelf. Sx Vortx. VICE touches me and VICE is forever altered.

Because what I want, Shanus, Darling, More than a Best-Selling Novel and my Choice of CEO Cock, is to change the World for the Better. To bring about FrECotopias. To spread Love like the Ground I walk on bursts with Flowers were fall my FootSteps. This is not too Much to ask. This is what we should All be asking for. I see you, Shane, and your Company, and I think, Okay, you are reporting on Stories and you are Good at that, you are Good at reporting on Stories, you choose the Best Stories to report on, I see that, but what about being the Story? What about instead of reporting on Wars you carried out Actions which would make War Less Likely? Because keeping People inFormed is Right and Noble and All, but taking Steps to bring about Utopias is Better. So. Apologize for the White cis-Male Bias at VICE, Shane. Just Fucking do it. Understand that this Action is Symbolic. Because I get that you think you do enough Quality Reporting to not need to make an Apology, but I don’t think you get how Significant an ourStorical Event would be this Apology. I don’t think you get on an Emotional Level how this Apology would make your Company and the People who consume its Media feel. This is the Xperiment I want you to conduct. To make the Apology. To Consciously try to do Better than you have. To take Small Steps and then Big Steps to creating a Globally Responsible Media Company. To think about Utopia not as Some Lalala Fairy Land but as SomeThing that can be built with Human Hands and the reSources we have at our Disposal. I can tell you want to change the World, Shane. I can tell you think interviewing Perpetrators of War and Tyranny and Victims of War and Tyranny is helping the World, and it is. That’s why you’re Guy #1 on my Hit-up List. Because I can tell you care and it impresses me. It impresses me enough that I’m willing to gross out and bore ( am I boring People? Is this Boring? My Focus even amid my Million Tangents? ) and disconcert and alienate Alt Lit by not shutting up about you. Because I can tell the DeadLock that opened in me can open in you. That you are Capable of doing More than reporting on War and its Devastating Effects. You can help make War and its Devastating Effects a Thing of the Past. ( “World Peace,” said the Beauty Queen, and she FUCKING MEANT IT. ) You, with a Public Apology and a Little Self Awareness and Commitment can advance the Cause of Justice and Peace. You can do it. I Absolutely 100% believe in you and what I am proposing to you. We must smash White-Supremacist Patriarchy, Shane. If we want to end War, we must smash White-Supremacist Patriarchy. And you can do that, Shane. I Absolutely 100% believe in you. What is the Point of All the Reporting, Shane? At what Moment do you stop and say “I need to do SomeThing about this Situation?” At what Moment do you realize you need to be the Wall that Cruelty can’t get past and emPathy walks through? At what Point do you realize you must start committing Acts of Kindness? I am the Fucking Alarm in your Psyche, Shane. You can do SomeThing. You are not Powerless against inJustice. You are a Super Hero. We are All Super Heroes. I could spend my Life living on my Idyllic Mountain Coast, writing Novels just like you Once wanted to, Novels that would win Awards and make People think, but that is not Good enough for me, Shane. It is not Good enough to just write Novels. It is not Good enough to just report on War. We, as Powerful and inFluential People, have to enact the Social Changes that will bring about Utopias. We have to put the Breaks on what is killing Gaia. We have to be the Change we want to see. We have to we have to we have to. There is no Other Reason to live.

Yes, I could spend my Vast Energy writing Carefully-worded Query Letters about how S.i/S: is an imPortant Millennial Novel, a Canadian Classic, I could get published and win an Award, or, I could blast through a Rich White Man’s Man’s preJudices, get him to understand that he has the Capacity not just to report on War but to bring about Peace, and that, Goddammit, is just Better. I’ll Probably end up doing Both, Really. I don’t know how to get you or your Company to read what I’ve written. Beyond posting to my Blog and Occasionally poking at Some of your Writers I have no Idea how to get you to read this. It might take S.i/S:. It might take me being “a Published Novelist” and not just “Some Blog Girl” to get !~OPERATION FUN~! read by the People who need to read it, but here’s to holding out Hope that you find these Letters before my Book Tour or the interViews I’ll do or whatever Other post-S.i/S: Marketing gets my Old !~OPERATION FUN~! Blogelle turned over by the Presses.

Sigh Sigh Sigh. NoOne said it was Easy, being a rEvolutionary. NoOne said it would be Easy, trying SomeThing that’s Never been done before. NoOne said it would be Easy, sacrificing mySelf to the Cause. NoOne said it would be Easy. NoOne said I wouldn’t cry.

Andrea Coates

FrECotopian Philosopher of Sx, Drugs and Anarky

Founder: LotusLand Warrior Art Media

Girl with Golden Heart